Thursday, January 27, 2011

... when I walk thru the dark valley of death, I will not be afraid ...


CC went for her op this evening .. the procedure was suppose to take 3hrs but it took her 4.5hrs ... reflecting how George and Walter may felt brings to mind how God was faithful to us .. and to Mom .. when we went through a similar experience.

I remembered ... about 7yrs ago .. Mom went for her major op .. it was suppose to be 4-5hrs of procedure but at the end ... it took her 12hrs! I remember that morning when we wheeled Mom into the operating theater .. it was not a pleasant experience which am sure all of us would not like to go thru .... we prayed for Mom and told her that we cannot be in with her but God can, Jesus is holding her hands and she is surrounded by His angels. Thank God that the surgeon is a Christian and she was much comforted when he actually prayed for her before they started the procedure for her.

Then, SM, KC, Ong and I waited outside the operating theater for Mom to be wheeled out. There were a few other families in the waiting area as well ... we waited and waited ... non of us had any appetite to eat .... we just waited ... and prayed in our hearts ... non of us had any mood for anything else cos it was a very tensed situation cos we knew that Mom was on the operating table .... we were not in control .... anything can happen ... even if the op is successful.

We waited from morning till evening ... and Mom is till not out ... all other families already had their member out of the operating theater .. its really very tensed when you see another family leaving that area knowing that the member who went in came out well ...

We started to panic as dusk sets in .. as clock kept ticking and no sign of Mom .... and there was no other people in the waiting area except SM, KC,Ong and I .... the silence is deafening .. non of us spoke any word but panic, fear and anxiety was written all over our face ... in fact, we dare not speak, least speak our fear and set us all of a panic mode ... in our hearts, we were praying very hard ... crying out to God for His mercy ... in our hearts, we could hear the sound of the clock ticking ... Ong commented that the situation was so tensed that it was almost like what we watch in the movies ... we had life experience of it ....

Then, suddenly .... we saw the doctor coming out! He gave us news .... and we waited for while.... we saw Mom wheeled out .. SM and I was so relieved and SM just ran to Mom .... initially the Dr did not want us to see Mom yet and asked us to wait cos Mom was weak due to the lost of blood .... but eventually we saw Mom ....

The burden of fear and anxiety was lifted .... God was faithful to us ... God answered our cries and saw us thru a situation of battling with life ... indeed He was faithful and true to His promise (Psalms 23 : 4) : to God be the glory!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

...more pre-CNY thoughts ...

I was just thinking last week that my 1st CNY as a TTC student was celebrated without 2nd Uncle, my 3rd CNY as a TTC student was spent without 6th uncle and this year, 1st year in ministry after TTC is spend without Aunty. I was just thinking of how Joan and family will cope their 1st CNy without Aunty ... how they feel coming back to an empty home and have to clean the home so that they have beds to zzz in (cos Aunty will normally be home early to ensure house is clean) ... how would they have their CNY lunch/dinner as its always Aunty who prepares and plans the menu (i think or at least I see her preparing) ... how would they have their family altar ... and off cos ... the memories of last CNY with Aunty ...

Just as I was having these thoughts, news broke that CC is having breast CA and will be going for op tomorrow ... WOW ... this is a big blow to us ... or to me as I count ... she is the 6th person in our family (Yu side) who is attacked by CA, 4 of Mom's generation, 1 from our generation and 1 from the my next generation .... its going be the 1st CNY CC going to spent away from kampong in the past 10yrs (I think) she's been back serving in Spore .. and its really the 1st CNY she's going to be spending not preparing anything for CNY but herself to regain her physical health.

CNY at CC's open house
Rber my 2nd CNY in TTC ... few days just before CNY ... CC and I dashed to Chinatown for last minute shopping .... it was a Wed I recall cos I missed Cluster Vesper and the hanging of lanterns along our cluster corridor which Angie will insist of doing (thanks Angie) ... CC and I was grabbed a few CNY clothes .. that's when I got my denim jacket ... we had fun rushing with the crowd like some aunties shopping .... :0 ...

Every CNY, CC will have open house for students ... and every year, I (as her student off cos ... and an international student in TTC) will go to her house for CNY .. she will prepare LOTS of cookies, CNY goodies like nian kau and a huge pot of scallop rice porridge (its the best!) .... and sometimes ang chew mi suah ...

SM's cookies last year ... my fav cookie .. this year I get keropok instead ... la la
This year, CNY is going to be different for many of us .... typically, SM and sis normally is in charge of baking cookies ... sis .. - her famous nian kau and 8 delight platter (glutinous rice) which she does it with the help of Vincent and bro in law .... and I will normally handle the cooking ... but as years go by, I become more and more lazy ... which reminds me .. wonder when will my next generation of 3 pretties start preparing and cooking for CNY ... so that I can retire or be promoted to do supervisory job ...

30th day lunch ... I have been changing my routine past few years -- sometimes sister's place ... think there was once in Dad's place ... this year ... I have not thought of it yet ... 1st day ... I will start cooking ... light ... cos the real CNY will start when SM gets home .... then, we will start cooking major .... like real reunion dinner .. I used to say that my CNY only starts on 2nd day when SM comes home ... and when Dan & Lyn were younger, it was even more fun cos then the older cousins will come over and play fire crackers with them (supplied by Ong2 piu-win) ... o yea ... one CNY, we had Ong's wedding ... that was a biz CNY .. :0 ...

We will also have the huge Yu family gathering in 6th Uncle's house on 2nd day CNY .... the tradition changed since 6th uncle has left us. Our family over in Yvr ... Kor and Nee Chia will fon to wish all of us Happy CNY ... and though they have to hold their CNY meal till the weekend since CNY is just any other ordinary day for them ... Mom and Dad gets excited receiving their call this time of the year ...

So ... this CNY is a gentle reminder to me that its really God's grace that I can still celebrate it with Mom and Dad .... it's really great that our family is still together ... healthy ... its really God's grace that we still have one another ... so, its a time to appreciate family ... one another ... take time to enjoy one another and make special effort to create memories so that we can still carry them in our hearts when one of us leaves ....

This CNY ..datang-la beramai ke rumah Nguima/Ama .... let's just enjoy each other and take photos ... as memories .... OK .. take pix and "fellowship" ... this year, there is additional member in our family ... Wesley Pang ... super cute .. sure kena "dera" by "old" aunties and young "uncles and aunties" :0 .... Its an honor to cook for my family who enjoys my cooking ... only hope that I can adjust the taste well since I have not cooked for a long time ... :0 ...


taken many CNYs ago ...

Friday, January 21, 2011

.... Pre-CNY Mood ...

Suddenly early this week, I was attacked by emo-mode ... I suddenly missed my friends that I deliberately created memories with last CNY .... Pris, Li and I suddenly decided to go down Chinatown to have a break from our stressful schedule (think we were jammed pack with magazine stuff at that time) ... then, suddenly Tu wanted to follow us ... but he could not make it the last minute ... but he was so sweet to walk (rather, he jumped, hopped, skipped and screamed all the way down) us down TTC slope to and made sure that we safely got into a cab. It must have been a Wed, after community lunch cos we managed to take photos with Sam and Susanto in dining hall .. all of us, especially Tu and Sam had panda eyes ...


When we reached Chinatown, the 3 of us had great time just walking around, taking photos ... Pris bought bak-wa and egg tarts for her parents and family .... Li had a bird pooed on her hair while we were busy posing for a shot .. I went all crazy clicking my camera away and when I wanted to take a nice shot ... Li .... kept asking me to stretch my neck to make sure I am "in" the pix ... ?? I ended up having "camel necked" photos ... those were the days ...


So, yesterday I went into Spore to re-live the sweet memory ... Pris was sweet .. she took the afternoon off for me. Picked her up from Yishun and we parked at Zion St as I was still not too sure of the road ... and was trying to avoid ERP ... anyway ... I clicked my camera this time .. Li asked ... why all food pix ... no people ...

Just felt that yesterday's experience was entirely different from last year. Even the mood, feeling and decos were different. Chinatown was not as packed as last year, there were less decos and flowers this year ...


The precious reminder is .... sweet memories are to be created ... we have to be deliberate in creating special moments so that went the season or time is over, there will be sweet memories and photos to keep us company and treasure. Next, what is gone is gone ... time and season will pass .. its very difficult to re-live the past ... so, let's forget what's behind, and press forward towards the heavenward call the Christ has given us! (Phil 3: 13b - 14.) " ..... But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."


Finally, I thank God for every person that He had made my path-cross ... though we may be apart, I know in my heart that there were moments that was ceated that will bring a smile on our faces as we recall God given moments we had in our lives .. the fun, the fellowship ... the laughter .. the times we prayed and supported one another ... the tears and struggles but through it all ... He had blessed us .. with one another somewhere along our journey here ...



To all the friends that God brought into my life : Blessed Lunar New Year!
Thank you for your fellowship & partnership ....



Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Cutting


Guess God brought "To Save a Life" to prepare me to face a teen who struggles with handling pain of growing up, pain in life and when circumstance becomes intense ... cutting seem to a temporal way out .... hence, I decided to google and read up a little bit more of this culture that embraces this current generation. This is really a entire new generation, new breed of special people that the method used to handle my nieces and nephews will NOT work .... only by God's grace and leading of the Holy Spirit that I am able to help them .... Anyway, I read up some info so that I can understand their situation better and I compile a few articles into mine (eg from : http://eqi.org/cutting1.htm, http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/20842/teenagers_and_cutting_what_you_should_pg2.html?cat=25, http://www.teen-beauty-tips.com/teenage-cutting.html )

Lord have mercy on this generation!

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What is Cutting?
Teenage Cutting is a form of self injury that involves deliberately inflicting wounds and cuts on ones body. It is a serious issue and its victims are held captive in a very dark and lonely cell. Most people who self injure are not trying to commit suicide and are not crazy. They just don’t know how to deal with what’s going on in the inside of them, where as a physical wound is something they can see and gives them something to tend to. They see the physical pain as easier to cope and deal with.

Teens that self injure will feel as if they are nothing, that they don’t matter and that no one cares for them or what they are going through. They have a hard time expressing their emotions because the enemy has made them feel ashamed and they cut themselves in an attempt to deal with other problems they are having – to them it is a release.

Yes, to its victims cutting releases tension, stress, and anger, to some it is a release for everything. If they are having a bad day or if they feel they have messed up cutting can make everything feel ok and they can stop beating themselves up about it. Besides providing a release cutting will sometimes offer an atonement making them feel as if they have punished themselves for what they did or how they feel.

For those experiencing self-hatred touching their wound will remind them of what they have done and that they are not allowed to hate themselves. Their feelings and guilt will seem to float out on the blood leaving them feeling calm. The scars will often help them to feel like their pain is real. To them it is like a battle scar reminding them that they have been through something and no one can tell them otherwise. When they hurt enough to injure themselves it means they were in emotional pain. Deep inside many hide pain. I encourage anyone experiencing these feelings to call to the Lord and He will answer; Cry out to help from Him and He will say, Here I Am (Isaiah 58:9 )

I also want to express that you are not alone. You are never alone, that’s just what Satan wants you to believe.

Who is Impacted?

Self injury does not discriminate and self injurers come from all walks of life. People who harm themselves can be male, female, straight, gay, or bisexual; they can be doctors, high-school dropouts or high-school students; rich, poor or from any country in the world. Self injury is an addiction that affects 3 million Americans, 2 million of whom purposely cut or burn themselves. Teenage cutting begins at the average age of 14, in fact 90% of self injurers start at roughly this age.

More than half of self injurers are victims of abuse, and most report emotionally abusive or neglectful childhoods. The most common adult injurers are in the profession of are teacher, nurse and manager.

But "God is your hiding place: He will protect you from trouble and surround you with songs of deliverance." Psalm 32:7

Why Teens Cut

Teenagers cut to stop their emotional pain

Teens cut to stop their emotional pain. This is the most honest and direct way to say it. We have worked with self-harming teens for over ten years. We have learned beyond any doubt that they cut to stop their emotional and psychological pain. They come from emotionally abusive homes and environments. These homes and environments, including their schools, cause them to suffer emotional pain and cutting is a form of temporary relief.

Many people say cutting is to "get attention" but this is a common myth about cutting. Most teens who cut, for example, actually wear long sleeve shirts because they don't want others to know they are cutting. They feel embarrassed about it or guilty for doing it. They often feel very self-critical about it. Below is the case of Michelle, a teen who tried to hide her scars.

Michelle

Michelle would cut herself in hidden places. For example, she would cut herself on the top of her legs. She did not want attention. She wanted to to be left alone and to be free. But she was raised in a very controlling environment, including home and school. She had also been sexually abused, physically abused and emotionally abused..

"Cutting was because I needed to get back into my life. You sink into this place where you can't think or feel, you don't know what you're doing. My brain, subconsciously, would tell me that's what I had to do to get out of the horrible hell I would snap into. Cutting yourself is pain and blood and living, and it's taking away the pain of being this empty person." Claire, 17

Few of us have been so hungry that we have actually been in physical pain. But we have all heard of hunger pains. For teens who cut themselves, their emotional pain is much more intense than for the average person. It is a intensity of pain that many of us have never felt, just as we have never felt the pain of intense starvation. But these people are starving emotionally. Looking at it this way might help us understand what they need and why they cut.

The Sources of Their Emotional Pain - Feelings Which Represent Unmet Emotional Needs

Emotional pain, for all of us, comes when have we have extreme levels of unmet emotional needs. We all find our own ways to cope with this pain.

As adults we have many legal and healthy coping mechanisms. On one website I saw a list of alternatives to cutting. Some of these included: going for a drive, going shopping, calling a friend, going for a walk.

Many of these options are unavailable to adolescents, though.

Many of these adolescents are not allowed to use the phone at certain times, either because it is too late at night, or because they have been punished for some reason and "grounded" from using the phone. Some do not have telephones in their houses. Even if they could use the phone, many of them are afraid to call the crisis lines because their parents might hear them. Unless you have lived in a home full of fear, it is probably hard to imagine that such homes exist. But I have talked to enough adolescents now to know that they do exist. This is one reason I urge us all to start talking to children and find out what they are afraid of. If they are afraid of their own parents when they are young, it is a warning sign for later on.

Many of the adolescents are not allowed to outside when they most need to get out of the house. Normally they feel the urge to cut when it is late at night. This is when they feel most alone, and perhaps most afraid. For some, even if they could go outside, they have no where to go where they feel safe. Nor can they simply go shopping whenever they want, especially not at night. Obviously, most of them can not go for a drive.

One of their sources of pain, then, is simply feeling trapped; of not having options.

A list of their painful feelings includes:

Feelings

Feeling abandoned

Feeling afraid

Feeling threatened

Feeling alone, isolated

Feeling misunderstood

Feeling judged

Feeling unaccepted

Feeling rejected

Feeling controlled

Feeling powerless

Feeling untrusted

Feeling untrusting

Feeling unsafe

Feeling trapped

Feeling imprisoned

Feeling not listened to

Feeling unheard

Feeling failful

Feeling abnormal

Feeling confused

Feeling guilty

Feeling responsible

Feeling overwhelmed

Feeling unloved

Feeling uncared about

Feeling punished

Feeling hated

Human Emotional Needs

Here are some of the basic human emotional needs expressed as feelings. While all humans share these needs, each differs in the strength of the need, just as some of us need more water, more food or more sleep.

One person may need more freedom and independence, another may need more security and social connections. When a person's natural emotional needs are met, healthy behavior naturally follows.

In various degrees, each according to his or her own unique nature, we each have a natural emotional need to feel:

accepted
acknowledged
admired
appreciated
approved of
believed in
capable
challenged
clear (not confused)
competent
confident
forgiven
forgiving

free
fulfilled
heard
helped
helpful
important
in control
included
listened to
loved
needed
noticed
powerful

private
productive / useful
reassured

recognized
respected

safe / secure
supported

treated fairly
trusted
understandng
understood
valued
worthy


Signs and Symptoms

One huge sign of cutting is wearing long sleeved shirts and jeans in
warm weather. Although cutting may appear in some circles as the ‘cool thing to do' it is something a troubled teenager will go to great lengths to hide from their parents and friends.

The most obvious sign is of course scars on your child. The most common areas teenagers cut themselves in on the arms, legs and the belly. They lines can be any length and in any number. Some will cut the same spot repeatedly while others cover large areas of skin.

Cutters will generally change their everyday behavior. They will become more withdrawn and secretive. They may avoid changing clothes for gym class or trying on clothes in front of parents or friends. Their grades and
social life will suffer as well.

Self-Injury Help - How to deal with Teenage

Cutting

Self injury is a cycle. Not only is it a way to release emotions, but it can also become a physical addiction as well. That is one reason it can be so hard to quit. Some who have been involved in self injury say they actually feel physical withdrawals when trying to stop.

Therefore, like drugs and alcohol, self injury can become an addiction. And as you could have guessed there are better ways to deal with troubles than self-injury cutting and although cutting can be a difficult pattern to break, it is possible. With God all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)

The First Step...

The first step with any addiction is to admit you have a problem and need help. I encourage you to come to God and ask for His help. Cry out to Him and share your pain with Him. You may need to ask for forgiveness.... and don't forget about forgiving yourself as well. However, don't allow the enemy to get you caught up in a cycle of shame and feeling bad about yourself. True guilt is different from shame. Shame says, "I'm a bad person" and that's not true. You are loved by God no matter what you've done or what's been done to you. Once you're ready to make a change, you have to decide if you're willing to change directions.

Tell Someone

The hardest step is telling someone. This will take courage but once you find someone you trust and confide in them you will feel a great sense of relief. If verbally telling someone is too difficult you can always write a note. If the person you tell doesn’t offer assistance, tell someone else. Adults have the tendency to downplay issues and problems often classifying it as just a phase. There are people who will listen.

Who can you tell? Here are some ideas of who you can talk to:

  • Your parents,
  • Youth pastor,
  • School counselor,
  • School teacher
  • Trusted friend
You May Benefit from Counseling

Trying to figure out the cause of cutting yourself may be tough...

  • Is it anger?
  • Pressure to be perfect?
  • Relationship trouble?
  • A painful loss or trauma?
  • Mean criticism or mistreatment?

Many people have trouble figuring this part out on their own. But there is no shame in getting professional help to overcome the problem- this does not mean that you are weak! Therapists and counselors are trained to help people discover inner strengths that help them heal. These inner strengths can then be used to cope with life's other problems in a healthy way. There are also churches that offer prayer, encouragement and support groups. The Lord will guide your steps (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Work on it, there is a lot to dealing with past hurts and finding better ways to handling life’s stresses. Once you identify what triggers your urge to cutting yourself, make a commitment to make the decision, a promise to yourself that you will not follow through with it but replace it with something else instead. Make plans on what this will be so it’s place for the next time you feel the need.

Coping Skills

Urges will pass if you wait them out. The more you wait without giving in, the more your urges will decrease over time so try distracting yourself with something – call a friend, take a shower, play with a pet. Walking is a great way to help with any depression and other forms of exercise provide releases from tension.

You may also try writing poetry or drawing, these are great ways to get the feelings on the inside out and that’s the goal. You are on a mission to find a new, healthy release to replace the painful, hurtful one you’ve grown accustomed to. Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him. (Psalm 126:5-6)

What Is Not Helpful
  • Ordering them to stop it.
  • Watching them.
  • Taking away their privacy. (Taking the door off of their room, etc.)
  • Taking away their razors and all sharp objects.
  • Making them feel even more abnormal by saying things like, "You need help. You are sick. That is not normal."
  • Rejecting that part of them. Not accepting their behavior.
  • Threatening them - such as with being sent to the hospital.

Letters to God


An email just came in to inform me that one very close to my family is diagnose with early stage of cancer .... and this brings to mind of the movie that I bought last week -- Letters to God.

This is a true story of a small boy, Tyler ... perhaps 8-10yrs old who has brain cancer. He lives with his widowed Mom and teen brother. This family had to deal with two types of death - one unpredicted or unknown -- their father who died suddenly and now .. this boy ... who faces death -- time and end of the journey is almost known ... how then one prepares to face death?

Tyler seems to be prepared to face death -- with God ... he could sense his own time is coming to an end .... guess, it is God's grace on this boy as he deals with the issue of death ...

Tyler expresses his thoughts by writing letters to God and putting it into his house mailbox. The local postman picks it up and is asked by his boss to "deal" with it .... The letters is addressed God are prayers for the many people in Tyler's life --- be it his family members, neighbors or school mate who is nasty to him. Simple act done ... but he impacted his entire community, from the youngest to the oldest .... by writing letters to God ... an act of praying to God expressed in letter form ... the local postman reads his letters and begin to send the letter out to the person that the prayer was offered ...

How will you live your life if you know that you have 8 months to live? How will your relationship be with a person in your life if you know that the person has only 4 more months to live? Cc tells me that many times God uses sickness and death to speak to us, to give us opportunities to deal with issues in our lives and issues in the relational dynamics ... especially in the family .... what is God speaking to you in the situations of your life now?

Our God is alive today ... does hears our prayers, our cries and will answer our prayers ... My letter to my Good : dear God, I pray for Your mercy and healing hands to intervene and touch this close contact of ours and heal our precious contact in Jesus name .... Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever more .. the God of Abraham and Moses is at work ... may His will be done on earth as it is in heaven! Amen!

Watch the movie trailer at : http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi182715417/

... Love is a Choice ....

Dealing with youths struggling with the reality of love and relationship past week reminds me of one of my life philosophy that I hold on to ... love is indeed a choice ...

We decide of we want to enter into a relationship ... if we want to accept the love that is offered by the other party or to reject it .... it is a decision that one makes ... and stay by it because when the feeling of love is thin or gone ... the choice and decision to love have to take over ... that will make the love last and remain ... and sometimes ... cause love to to fall in love all over again ....

So ... my statement in my FB today just remind me of what love is ... it a choice that we make daily to live out 1 Cor 13 .....
"Love is a choice that one makes on a daily basis ... a choice to b patient, kind, not envy or jealous or boastful,not proud. It is a choice not to b rude or self seeking.. & a choice not to keep record of wrongs. It is a choice not to be happy when we see evil but to rejoice in the truth. It is a choice to protect, trust, hope & persevere (1 Cor 13:4-7) .. what is the love choice that you need to make today?"